Thank You for Leaving

Thank you for leaving.
Thank you for walking away so easily.

I’ve learned that I didn’t need you as much as I thought I did.
In fact it turns out I don’t need you at all.
I was lying to myself all this time.
Claiming to need you to be happy, when all along happiness was within me.
Happiness isn’t about the country you’re in, the city where you fall asleep, or a person.
Happiness is inside of us all, begging to come out, screaming to be given attention.
But it’s almost like we enjoy our suffering.
It’s almost as if we take some sadistic pleasure in witnessing our own demise.

I equated my happiness with yours.
I told myself that without you, I had nothing.
I made silent promises to myself, that my life without you in it, would have no light.

I spoke words to myself in the dead of night.
I whispered in the darkness that my life since you came in it was complete.
That you were my calm.
You were my peace.
I carved it in my heart.
I carved it over and over, etching it in so deep that I finally believed it.

But in my foolishness I believed a lie.
I thought it was romantic.
Whimiscal.
Maybe even optimistic.

But I was wrong.

All of what I had learned to feel was within me all along.
And now that I’ve tasted that strength
Felt that peace
Known that type of calm

I know that I can reach it again

Through leaps, and bounds, and inner reflection.
Through the realization that within me are embers begging to be coaxed into a fire.

Through all of this I know that I’m all I need.

Thank you for leaving.